Once More
by Sango The Lecher Slayer
Summary: SessKag What happens when Inuyasha's choices push Kagome into the hands of his ruthless older brother? God help us all. This is a parody, not to be taken 100% seriously!
1. Set It All Up

**Once More**

**Brought to you by Sango The Lecher Slayer**

_**PLEASE READ**:_  
Guys, this story is meant to be pretty random and funny. If you take this pairing very very very seriously, I would suggest that you do _not_ keep on reading. Too many people who are WAY to passionate about this pairing/fanfiction have been somewhat upset by this story, especially the ending. If you enjoy this pairing, enjoy some of the absurd stories on this website, and enjoy randomness, keep on keeping on. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Fine, so maybe I don't own Inuyasha yet… But I will some day. When I'm a powerful lawyer (and psychologist) I will finally rule all and own the copy write. Bwahaha-- coughcough swallowed my mint…

Chapter One: Set it all up

"What the fu-! Eww, disgusting!"

That was Kagome's first thought when she saw Inuyasha and the clay pot kissing. Her next thoughts however were, "He – he kissed her! Why? I thought that maybe we stood some kind of chance to be together. Damn! Why me? First I find out that Koga kissed Jakken and then I find out that Hojo kissed Ayumi… and Eri… and Yuka… Wait that doesn't even matter, I don't like them at all."

It was then that realization set it. Broken and crying, she ran away from the scene (or nightmare) silently without Inuyasha even noticing her arrival or departure and Kikyo smirking wickedly.

Running in full panic while trying to banish the disturbing images from her head, she ran smack dab into a cold concrete wall. "Since when did they have concrete in the Feudal Era?" was her first thought. She looked up to see the completely impassive face of Sesshomaru, or he would have been completely impassive if not for the fact that his eyes were burning in anger at the fact that she had just gotten her 'filthy human scent and tears' on his outfit. Not that he showed that.

Kagome sniffled, "Well, you see I was in - "

"Hn."

"Aren't you going to listen to me?"

"Hn."

"Excuse me, what did you just say to me?!" Kagome was on the verge of snapping her fingers in a z-for-ma-tion.

"Wench, I did not come here to hear your story. Where is my foolish half-brother?"

"Why you over pompous arrogant jerk! My name is Kagome. Ka-Go-Me. Kagome. Get it? Got it? Good." She huffed and blew her bangs out of her eyes.

'What is wrong with this human? Does she dare insult me to my face?'

After staring at him for a couple of seconds, Kagome began to walk away. With no hesitation, the ruthless demon quickly pinned her to the tree with his hand wrapped around her neck. "Wench, you are not in any position to insult me. You will tell me why you are without my hanyou half brother this instant or it will mean the lives of you an your pup."

'What the hell? My pup? Crap on a cracker Shippo's here!' "Don't hurt him please, I'll tell you what I know." Once, he released her she mumbled, "Men… er Demons these days."

"Long story short, he was kissing the dead clay pot of a bitch and where they were going was _not_ somewhere pretty. For the sake of your eyes I suggest you stay away. Now give me Shippo."

"Foolish miko, you are in no position to make demands." He replied stoically. 'Who does this foolish woman child think she is?'

"Woman, I will make you a proposition."

"Yes, Lord Fluffy."

"Silence, you insolent wench! You will address me properly."

"Fine, fine, Sesshomaru-sama I consent, please continue."

"This Sesshomaru requires that you aid him in the quest of killing Naraku. In return, I will offer you shelter and proper training to enhance your miko skills and defenses in battle."

"What has Naraku done to you?"

He replied icily, "That is none of your business. I will meet you before the sun rises." Sesshomaru walked away only to be interrupted.

"Kagome."

He didn't grace her with a response, yet she continued.

"That is my name, please use it. I accept your proposal Sesshomaru. Tomorrow before dawn I will meet you by the Bone Eaters well."

Without so much as a goodbye, Sesshomaru was gone. Kagome thought to herself, 'Well at least I did well acting diplomatically, even if it was only at the end.' With that thought she happily skipped back to camp with a Shippo who had passed out from all of the excitement – The excitement being the capturing of himself by the almighty Sesshomaru.

o0OOO0o

Kikyo left Inuyasha later on with a smirk on her face. Another mission had been accomplished. 'Inuyasha I am one step closer to bringing you to hell with me.' With that sinister thought in mind, she returned to Naraku, her lover and supplier. Only with his plan and resources could she succeed.

o0OOO0o

Inuyasha never even smelled Kagome. He was on his way back walking with a blissful smile on his face when the guilt started to settle in. Kagome should have been back by then, what if she had seen them? Why did he even care, Kikyo was going to be his mate and Kagome had no choice in the matter… None whatsoever. So why did he feel so guilty? Almost as if he had made a horrible mistake. 'Feh, Kikyo is gonna be my mate and that's what I always wanted. Who cares about the wench's feelings?'

o0OOO0o

Mysterious eyes watched in the dark. "Foolish half breed you will pay for what you did."

o0OOO0o

Well okay then people, this is my first attempt at a story! I hope you like it. If you do you know you'll wanna push that button down at the corner and review. If you don't… then I won't update. It's not a threat or anything, I just don't wanna write a story if no one is reading. Sounds good, eh?

So, push the button! You know you want to!

EDIT: 01/26/09 - Just editing typos and trying to make it more of a parody. Enjoy.  
EDIT: 02/25/10 - Editing again to make sure people KNOW this is kind of a parody and so it sucks less.

\ /


	2. Away You Go

**Once More**

**Brought to you by Sango The Lecher Slayer**

Okay, since a surprising amount of you people liked it (I got 157 hits but only 8 reviews) I'm gonna continue! So, onward with the story.

"…" Words

'…' Thoughts

-…- Actions

AN: I'd just like to let you know that on July 28th I will be leaving for sleep away camp. I will try to have at least 5 or 6 more chapters out by then but I can't promise anything. Sorry!

Disclaimer: surrounded by angry lawyers Hehehe… I never said it was mine! Only Rumiko Takahashi owns the copyright! Hehe hehe… I don't own Napoleon Dynamite, and I definitely don't own all of the ice cream in the world.

Chapter 2: Away you go

One day, Olivia and her brother Tod decided to go out into the magical forest when suddenly, there was a bunny! It wasn't just your average bunny, however, it was pink, sparkly, had sharp teeth, and an evil look in his right eye. Olivia pulled Tod out of the way as the bunny bounded across the forest and disappeared mid-leap into a well-house.

"Uhh... that was weird. The door to that building was shut. I can see the lock from here."

"You're telling me. When do you think we can move back to Cali?"

o0OOO0o

As Kagome walked back to the village with the passed out Shippo in her arms, she felt as if someone was watching her. "Could it be Sesshomaru? Wouldn't put it past him, that perv." As she heard snarling from the bushes she paled and shouted, "Hey! Sorry, nothing personal. Ow! My leg!! What the --" With that she quickened her pace towards Kaede's hut and the village, and in her haste missed the pink furry rock that lay next to a bush. "Wait, what I am thinking? Why would Sesshomaru of all people be stalking _me_? That was only the third time we've met."

Once she was at the village, she quickly packed her things and looked for her friends to say her temporary goodbyes. A thought had occurred to her while she was walking to the village, 'I don't know why, but all of the sudden it makes to go with Sesshomaru. If we're going to defeat Naraku, then I need to know how to actually do something. Ultimately, we need to have more people involved than just Sesshomaru and I. I know that Sango and Miroku would be glad to assist us because Naraku has personally hurt them too.' Now, all she needed to do was convince Sesshomaru…

Maybe she should rephrase that. Convincing Sesshomaru to allow her friends along would be like asking a brick wall to give you a strawberry ice cream cone. It wasn't gonna happen. This was definitely going to be hard.

After those depressing thoughts, she came upon Kaede in the village, helping a young woman heal her daughter. After waiting for quite a while (actually it was less than five minutes) Kagome began to grow impatient. A minute later she exploded, "Kaede! I'm leaving so won't you give me a hug and some advice. Gosh!" She quickly snapped her head to the right and started muttering about tater tots, old people, and birds…

Kagome's shouting had woken Shippo up. "Mama, where are we going?" The young kit inquired innocently.

"OK, that's a new development..."

"What are you talking about, Kagome?"

"You just called me mama."

Shippo shook his head, "uh, no. But I can call you that if you want...?"

"Eh, never mind and BTDubs, we're leaving with Sesshomaru." The kit promptly passed out. 'Hm, maybe I should have told him why first. Nah.'

Kaede finally looked up from what she was doing and acted as if she had never heard Kagome's previous out burst. "Child, what is it ye are seeking?"

"I'm coming to say goodbye Kaede. I'll miss you dearly."

With that, tears began to come to Kagome's eyes. "Worry not child, for you are strong. I have no doubts I shall see you again."

With those wise words (of which we have no clue what they actually mean) Kagome left in search of her two other friends.

o0OOO0o

"HENTAI!" –smack- -bam boom crash shake…thud- -sigh- 'Yep, I definitely found Sango and Miroku.' –smack- -smack- -punch- -kick- "Hey Sango," Kagome shouted, "I think he's out of it now!" Sango just blushed and kicked him one more time for good measure making the poor monk groan in pain.

"So Kagome, what do you need?" The slayer asked.

"Sango, I'm leaving." The young miko replied sadly.

"No! Why? Oh no, did you see Inuyasha at it again with the Kikyotch"

"How did you know? Wait a second, back up, what's a Kikyotch?"

Hesitantly, the young slayer took a few steps backwards only to fall into the monks waiting hands. 'Well, I guess that gives a whole new definition to backing it up...' With a sigh, Kagome explained, "That's not what I meant by back up. It's just an expression in my time almost to say 'Can you repeat that?' or something to that extent." Now reassured, Sango went back to her previous spot next to Kagome. "Kikyotch. Kikyo – Clay pot – Bitch. Kikyotch!"

Pause.

Awkward turtle.

"Okay Sango if you say so… Anyway yes I did come to say goodbye. I'll miss you."

The two girls hugged. "I'll miss you too, Kagome,"

"Me also, Kagome."

"Miroku!"

"Yes it is I. For you Kagome, here is one last goodbye grope" –grope grope -

-smack smack- "Miroku!" Sango furiously demanded "Why did you grope me? I'm not leaving."

"My precious Sango, I did not want you to feel left out." –smack-

Miroku: KO'ed

"Kagome, I hope you don't mind me asking, but who are you going with?"

"Not at all Sango, I'm going with Sesshy-chan."

"Se-ss-sesshy-chan?" Kagome scratched her leg and started thinking, 'Maybe I should explain why I'm going with him first. Wait, hold up. Why am I calling him Sesshy-chan? I should probably stop… Nah, I'm not one to stop the party.'

Aloud Kagome chanted, "Paaaaaaar-tay!"

Sango now passed out and fell to the ground. Actually, she would have fallen if Miroku hadn't _coincidentally_ woken up and caught her as she fell.

"Noooooooo! My Sango has left me! Never fear Sango I shall come with you to the afterlife." –rub rub-

-smack- "I'm up Miroku, I'm alive."

"Oh thank heavens, my dearest Sango."

"Shut it."

"Yes ma'am."

Kagome had to laugh at the antics of her closest friends. 'They are so perfect for each other, only Sango doesn't know it. I wouldn't put it past Miroku though.'

"Look, I'm sorry to interrupt your moment here but I do have to leave."

"Farewell, Kagome, we will miss you!" They both chorused. "Goodbye!"

After Kagome was out of hearing range Sango wondered aloud, "How come Shippo was unconscious?" Miroku simply shrugged and both walked away.

o0OOO0o

Kagome ran back to Kaede's hut to get all of her things that she had left inside. As she tried to leave she realized a certain someone was blocking her way. "Oi, wench, just where do you think you're going." "Inuyasha I'm leaving." "Why bitch? Did I say you could leave?" "You have your Kikyotch-I mean Kikyo now. Leave me alone."

To Inuyasha's surprise Kagome wasn't breaking down into dramatic sobs like he thought she would. Instead, she looked pretty damn normal. 'Who could have caused that? Whatever, the wench still isn't leaving me. So what if I have Kikyo, I still control Kagome.' "Look, wench, you are not leaving my sight got it?"

Kagome was apathetic. "Inuyasha, sit." –boom- "I'm leaving now with Sesshomaru and there is nothing you can do to stop me." With that, Kagome daintily stepped over Inuyasha with her large yellow bag and Shippo in hand.

Inuyasha was seeing yellow. Then green. Then red. 'That traitor! That - What the?? - Oh, gotta get that fire rat out of my face. Where was I? That traitor. That bitch. She is mine. If Kikyo is mine then so is Kagome, after all she is her reincarnation.' Inuyasha laughed evilly and swore aloud, "Sesshomaru I _will_ get Kagome back and when I do you're gonna wished you stayed away."

o0OOO0o

The mysterious eyes watched over Inuyasha with disapproval. "Boy, you know nothing of which you speak." The figure bowed its head and returned to its home, awaiting a certain time…

o0OOO0o

Okay, there you have it! You asked for another chapter so here it is! More than last time also. You guys are great at reviewing even though there is a problem with my computer and I can't really see all of the most recent reviews.

You are amazing for reviewing. currently says I have 11 reviews… If I get 25 total, although you can go over, I'll write more. . Thanks for your support.

Come on, you know you wanna push the button…

EDIT: 01/26/09 - Again, more parody than anything else. Who caught the reference to those pink evil bunnies!!! (They aren't quite what you think they are).


	3. Journey

**Once More**

**Brought to you by Sango The Lecher Slayer**

Okay guys, I have to admit that I'm disappointed. I only got 17 reviews. What I am happy about is the fact that my story is now in a C2 archive called, "Kagome and Sesshomaru Fanfiction" Which definitely tells me that you like the story. Because I love you guys so much, I decided to continue. Hope you like! PS: You find out who the mystery character is now.

"…" Words

'…' Thoughts

-…- Actions

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha. I won't say it again

Chapter 3: Journey

Kagome and Shippo (who was now conscious) left Kaede's hut and went to the Bone Eater's Well to meet Sesshomaru, with the mysterious creature following their every move.

If she was going to be honest, Kagome was pretty darn confused at this point. Scratching a bite on her leg, she realized she wasn't sad or angry. KInstead she felt a sense of freedom, where she knew she would no longer have to attach herself to someone who only used and abused her. Her newfound "wisdom" showed clearly on her face, and Shippo wouldn't be one to question it. 'I'm just happy mama is happy. She used to be so sad before. Now why did I just call her mama?'

Once they reached Sesshomaru however, things changed. When Kagome did not greet him, Sesshomaru felt confused. How did this talkative wench not understand that three blinks in a row was as good of a greeting as it was going to get. He felt his suddenly nonexistent uncharacteristically slip. "Miko! You will answer me when I talk to you." When she still didn't answer he realized why. "Kagome?" "Yes," she answered sweetly. "You will answer me when I speak to you." 'Does she dare openly defy me?'

"Only if you call me by my name," she hissed back in his face. Not only did she feel free and secure in herself, but she had a death wish too! "If you decide not to, I have several names to call you." "You wouldn't woman." "Oh, but Sessho-kun, I would."

For some strange reason, Sesshomaru found this alluring. 'How come she is not afraid of me? It is odd within most humans, and from others I would demand fear and respect for me, but with her it just feels right this way.' Hiding a smirk he demanded, "Come with me miko."

"But of course, Fluffmeister McFluffington," and she scooped Shippo and her belongings into her arms and waltzed towards him. 'The girl never ceases to confuse me,' Sesshomaru thought.

"Woman, before we begin I will tell you. We will only stop once, after the sun has set. We will then rise at dawn to continue our journey. My residence is two days away from here."

"Yes, your holiness!" And Kagome mock bowed towards him. You could almost see Sesshomaru puff up. 'Finally, the woman respects me.'

Kagome was thinking though, 'Why didn't he just say his house or his home… Geez, who put a stick up his butt?' "A stick up my butt you say?" "Did I say that out loud?" "Yes mama," Shippo answered, since it seems Sesshomaru wouldn't be answering for a while. It might have had to do with what he was pondering.

'A stick up my butt? What does that mean. Surely by the wicked look on her face it must have been something derogatory. I should kill her for her insolence but I can't. She'll get what comes to her when this is over.'

'I hope he doesn't kill me for that comment.' Kagome prayed.

-snore- "Chocolate… Demon pixies… Gah! Tree!" Shippo was fast asleep and earning himself some weird looks from Kagome.

"Kids these days…"

o0OOO0o

After sun set, they set up camp. Kagome boiled water for ramen and offered Sesshomaru some but he declined… Not so politely…

-Flash Back-

Kagome: Hey Flufferoni, would you like some ramen.

Sesshomaru: Foolish girl, I will not eat your food.

Kagome: Hey! What's wrong with my food?

Sesshomaru: -scoffs- You made it. It'll probably kill us all.

Kagome: No one can screw up instant ramen. –gasp- Hey! You insulted my cooking!

Sesshomaru: -- Yes I did… That only took you about five minutes

Kagome & Shippo: O.O

-End Flash Back-

The results? A pouting miko from the future, a passed out Shippo, and a smug Tai Youkai… Oy.

About an hour later after they had retired, (actually, only Kagome and Shippo were going to sleep. Sesshomaru was 'above them and their petty needs') someone came out from the shadows, waking Kagome without Sesshomaru's knowledge. The firelight reflected in her golden eyes.

"Katiya, what are you doing here now, I told you to wait until I summoned you."

"Oh you know me Sesshomaru, I just couldn't stay away. –wink wink- You know what you do to me." Kagome almost passed out at that remark.

"Cease your foolishness. Tell me what you saw. I do not completely believe the miko."

Kagome was indignant, 'Why wouldn't he believe me, I mean, what do I have to lose by telling him the truth?'

Katiya was confused, "Why wouldn't you believe her? She wouldn't lose anything by telling you the truth." Kagome was floored, 'That's the same thing I just thought!' Katiya giggled silently, 'The girl doesn't know I can read her thoughts! She did make a good point however.'

"I have no reason to trust her," Sesshomaru replied, showing no emotion.

"Oh come on Fluffy-sama, you and I both know that you have emotions," Katiya replied. Kagome's first thoughts were, 'I think I'm gonna like this girl.'

Katiya then smiled wickedly, "Besides I think you like her." Kagome passed out with a large woosh noise, despite the fact that she was already lying down. Of course, Sesshomaru was immediately concerned. Not. He was legitimately curious though. "What did you do to her, cat?"

"Oh, ease up and get a life. She was just surprised at the thought that you had feelings."

"Cat, it would be best if you told me now what you saw and heard."

Katiya sighed and gave in, "Fine." She spent the next two hours relaying every event that had occurred as she had watched Inuyasha and the group in the forest, including how she had followed them both.

With that, Katiya left and went on her journey towards Sesshomaru's palace to prepare for Kagome' arrival. Katiya thought aloud, "Kagome, you and I are going to be close friends… Together, we can torture Fluffy-sama. Bwahaha bwahaha."

As you can guess, she scared off several birds and other woodland creatures with her horrendous evil chuckles.

AN: Well, there is your third chapter. It would have been longer but since I got less reviews from Chapter 2 than Chapter 1, I figured you liked shorter chapters better, even though this chapter isn't much shorter. Just to let you know, I have written this chapter on July 3, 2005, but I'm waiting to post it until I get at least one more review. It's uploaded now!

Thanks guys!

Sango-TLS


	4. Home Sweet Castle

**Once More**

**Brought to you by Sango The Lecher Slayer**

Okay people, you're favorite time of day… Review responses. Now, unlike most authors I am not gonna write a comment for each of you. I would like to thank the following people though, for reviewing:

Darkness-ninja, V.X.O, princesslequesha, meks, Jessica Lyn, Eternityoftears, animeangel, Sesshomaru-sama mate, Silver Ivy, katlin, and windgal. If I have forgotten anyone I'm sorry, but I'm kinda doing this in a hurry. If I did forget you, review and tell me so and you'll be in the next chapter.

Here are two people however that I would especially love to thank:

treelovr and Tara Sessho. Your reviews totally made me want to write more. I was going to wait until Wednesday or something to write more, but I'm gonna write stuff now.

Just a reminder: Guys, I'm sorry to do this to you, but I'm going to sleep away camp July 28th, and will be returning around August 24th-ish. What I want to do in order to compensate you is write a few chapters extra and post them all! If you like the idea tell me so, I have another idea I could use also though.

Without further ado…

Disclaimer: Bwahaha, I own Inuyasha know, nothing is going to stop me! –suddenly surrounded by angry lawyers- Did I say own? Hehe hehe, I meant wrote fanfiction! Yes I write Inuyasha fanfiction! –Lawyers look appeased and go away. I do however, own Katiya (Pronounced kuh-TEE-yuh emphasis on the tee.)

"…" Words

'…' Thoughts

-…- Actions

'**Bold' **Subconicous

Chapter 4: Home Sweet Castle?

At dawn the travelers rose up with much… ummm, what's a polite way to put this? With much, resistance. And shrieking. You can't forget the shrieking.

-Flash Back-

Before the sun rose Sesshomaru knew he was in for a ride, trying to wake the other two up. This was not going to be very pretty. Let's just say, he wasn't in the best of moods either.

Sesshomaru loudly stated, "Foolish human girl. You will wake up this instant and we will leave. This Sesshomaru has no time for your foolery."

Kagome only swatted him away and replied, "Five more minutes mommy." Sesshomaru bristled at the thought, "Miko, I am not your mother."

Kagome started to sleep blabber, "But you're pretty! My mommy is pretty too. My mommy doesn't have a fluffy tail though. 5 more minutes" With that last thought, she firmly latched herself on to Sesshomaru's tail and pulled him down.

In a normal situation, Sesshomaru would have been able to stop the fall. However, at the moment, he was stewing at being called pretty like someone's mommy and he was just feeling pretty uncharacteristic around this weird girl. 'This Sesshomaru is not pretty. I am wondrous and beautiful but **_pretty_**? I think not. It does me no justice.'

So what happened was inevitable. Kagome pulled on his tail which was poking her to wake up. Sesshomaru, being so deep in thought, didn't realize he was falling until he fell. On something soft and kind of squishy. Kagome. (And a little of Shippo).

"RAPE! Assault! What the #$&! are you doing to me you &%#$-ing &#$#! My God!" She shrieked and cursed him to the seven hells, while still keeping her child filter. After she had somewhat calmed down she stated, "Besides there are children here. Do try and control your urges while they are in the vicinity."

This struck Sesshomaru speechless. He then came up with, "So, Kagome," he purred, "If there were no children here, I would be able to release my passions for you."

Kagome just blushed. "Put a sock in it Fluffster. Take your passions into the woods on your own time." With most of her honor still intact, she walked away, leaving Sesshomaru. "Come one fluffy-chan, we don't have all day."

-Flash Back Over-

Score? Kagome-32 Sesshomaru-1

'He needs better comebacks,' the young miko thought, 'I mean, that was just lame.'

'**So that's why you blushed? Because his comeback was so bad it embarrassed you?' **

'Yep, that's exactly why!'

'**I was being sarcastic --;' **

'Okay, so what?'

'**You liiiike him!' **

'No I don't!'

'**I know you do. I am your subconscious after all. And me being the horrible person that I am, (-coughyoucough-**-hey! I resent that!**) I'm going to leave you to these thoughts and make you wonder aaaaall day long why you reacted the way you did.' **

'No! Anything but that!'

'**Buh-bye.' **

'Hello?' –silence- "Damn her."

o0OOO0o

The strange group traveled for about another 5 hours. Throughout their travels, Sesshomaru remained silent and emotionless and Shippo kept nodding off. While he was awake, however, he knew it was best to keep silent because of his teenage mother's quiet ramblings… "Stupid fluffy demon…makes me think… hurting brain… summer… subconscious idiot… tuna…"

After traveling for five and a half hours straight, they finally arrived at a large castle. "Miko, kit. This is where I currently reside. There is a barrier so no one whom I do not wish to see the castle, will see the castle. While you are here I expect you to treat my household with the proper respects it demands of you. Have I made myself clear." Shippo, being the wise young one that he was, kept his mouth shut and nodded. Kagome on the other hand… "So, do you have and indoor hot springs? Western style beds or futons? Pillows or--" "Miko, it would do you well to be silent this instant."

Silence was his answer.

With that, he smirked and disappeared. "Why that rude, arrogant--"

"Kagome!"

"Katiya! It's nice to finally meet you."

Katiya smirked, "If we're just meeting, then how do you know my name?" Kagome blushed profusely, "Well, you see-"

"Don't worry I know. Did Fluffy-chan tell you yet?"

"Tell me what?"

"I guess that's a no. You'll have to wait and see. For now, Jakken will take your bags."

"That toad?"

"Wench I am not a toad. I am an imp! You must treat me with proper respect, now grovel." The stupid toad imp thing named Jakken said.

Kagome promptly stepped on his head. "Oh, so you're the guy Koga was kissing. You look kinda scrawny to me… Wait! Koga likes guys! And he kissed my hand once. Gaaaaah! I'm tainted!"

Jakken looked put off. "I am not scrawny you insolent wench. Koga and I have done more than just kissed too." With that, Jakken **_winked_**.

At this super weird show of Jakken awkwardness and sexuality, Kagome started running around, screaming for some hand sanitizer, which she kept in her pack. Gotta be prepared for H1N1 after all! "I'm gonna dieeeeeeeeeee!" Katiya proceeded to fall on the floor laughing hysterically.

"Katiya-sama, what are you and the pretty lady doing?" A good five minutes later, Katiya was able to control her giggles and answer. "Don't worry Rin-chan, Jakken just did something disgusting." Rin's eyes widened, "Again? Sesshomaru-sama told him not to do that. It made me sick."

Rin then skipped up to the pretty lady, I mean Kagome. "Hello pretty lady. I'm Rin! Who are you?" Kagome giggled and replied in a soft voice, "Hello Rin, I'm Kagome. It's very nice to meet you." "I think so too Kagome-chan!" And Rin skipped back into the house to play.

Katiya shook her head, "Come on Kagome, let's go inside and create plans to torture your fluffy demon lord."

–furious blushing- "He is not **_my_** demon lord… but he is kinda fluffy."

"And how would you know this?"

"Shut it."

AN: Gah! 39 reviews. I am soooooo sorry guys. I would have updated before but I had no access to a computer. --; Sad, eh? So anyway, I got put into another c2 archive as I was typing.

Gimme 10-15 reviews and the next one is yours!

Come on, you know how much I love you guys. And you know how much you wanna press the oh so pretty and irresistible purple button!

Sango-TLS


	5. To Dodge a Teapot

**Once More**

**Brought to you by Sango The Lecher Slayer**

I'm sorry, but I need to say Gah! So sorry for forgetting you **kari konoko**! I really was in a hurry to get that update out --;

Hehe… About those updates… hehe, well it's kinda funny actually. Okay, no it's not. I do appreciate it when you guys review, and some reviews totally make my day and make me want to write more _but_ I am (sadly) not a writing machine. I have a whole bunch of things to prepare for my father's wedding, going to sleep away camp, and helping one of my closest friends pack because she's moving. So **_please_** don't demand that I review OK? That would help.

**_IMPORTANT:_** Also, until I go to camp, I'm going to update once or twice a week (twice on a good week.) This summer, I plan to write out the whole story and during the school year, and post it once a week-ish.

Review total: 55 and so far 1545 hits to the story. So without further adieu…

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha… Sue me. –gasps- Wait, don't sue me, my only possession is this shiny nickel! –lawyers gasp at it's shiny-ness and take the nickel away- "This will be good enough compensation. Carry on." –broken sobs- Why my nickel? Why!

"…" Words

'…' Thoughts

-…- Actions

'**Bold' **Subconscious Thoughts

Chapter 5: To Dodge a Teapot

o0OOO0o

Katiya led Kagome inside, and as they walked they made plans. Shippo was smart enough to remain silent. "Do you think he would freak if we decided to-" -whisper whisper- -giggles- "Hell yeah!" –evil grin- "Eeeexcelent." Both of them started cackling (evilly of course), and scared away all the poor maids who thought they were laughing at the strange maid outfits.

"You bitch! It's not our fault Jakken makes us wear these." The head maid shouted. The girls heads swiveled around and their eyes nearly popped out at what they saw. "We weren't cackling about **_those_**," Kagome explained horrified, 'Even though I will need to gauge my eyes out…again.' "We were cackling about torturing someone."

"Ooooooh!" All of the maids chorused. The head maid grinned and said, "Sorry for the confusion, please carry on."

"We will all right, won't we Kagome?" "Yes we will Katiya. Yes we will."

o0OOO0o

When the girls and Shippo walked into the room, they were amazed. "Mama, this room is so big." "You're right Shippo, I wonder why?"

Katiya smirked knowingly, "Didn't you know? Sesshomaru requested that you have the room next to his 'so he could keep an eye on you.' But we all know he just wants to be near you." –smack-

"Ha ha ha, very funny Katiya." "Mommy?" Shippo asked innocently, "Why does Sesshomaru want you next to him at all times? Does he want to mate with you?"

Kagome fell over, "How would you know about mating Shippo?" "Well, Miroku always talks about Inuyasha mating with a dead clay pot and he hoped you never...found… out… I'm sorry mama!"

Kagome sobered up at that comment, but waved him off. "You guys always made such a big deal about Inuyasha. Don't worry Shipppo, I'm not really in love with Inuyasha. I'm happier without him, and it's been, what, two days?"

Shippo brightened up, "Well, as long as you're happy I'm happy. If you want me to I can bite that meany Inuyasha if he comes here."

Kagome giggled, "It's OK Shippo. Why don't you find Rin and play?" "OK mama."

While the two were having this heart warming conversation Katiya was thinking, 'What did the half breed really do to Kagome-chan while she was with him? Though she doesn't really look it, if you look her in the eyes you can see she's still somewhat sad. She's strong for someone so young. I'm so proud of her.' Katiya plastered a smile on her face, "So let's go eat something, ne?" Kagome grinned and complied, "Let's!"

o0OOO0o

At dinner, everyone sat around the large table in the dining room. As you would have guessed, Sesshomaru sat at the head of the table, and Kagome felt this strange pull to the seat right of him. 'Must be the hormones acting up again.' So she shrugged and sat down. Katiya laughed out loud and Sesshomaru looked slightly put off.

"Woman, what are you doing in this seat?" "Yeah Kagome-chan, why did you sit there?"

She blushed under all the attention, "I don't know I just felt this pull towards it. Why?" Her question however would go unanswered for quite a while.

Katiya started laughing harder, 'Poor girl doesn't know that's the seat of the mate. Whoever sits there is going to be the mate of the Tai Youkai of the West! She's in for the ride of her life now.'

Sesshomaru's thoughts were a little more harsh, 'The foolish human does not know about the seat? She must. This must be a prank. No. It cannot be judging from the confused look on her face.'

'**You know you like that she is in the chair. It means you are destined to be together. Think about it. All of her power is yours and yours only.'**

'Yes, it is mine. Wait! I do not like a human girl, as beautiful as she might be.'

'**So you admit she's beautiful? And her scent is amazing too, sakura blossoms and jasmine.'**

'You're right, her scent is amazing. Hey! You tricked me!'

'**Well technically I didn't trick you because you _are_ me and so…'**

'Let me eat in peace, damn it!'

'**You won't even really eat though-**growl-** I'm leaving now'**

Turns out Sesshomaru is pretty talkative in his head. Who woulda thought?

When Sesshomaru looked up from his thoughts he realized everyone at the table was staring at him. 'Why?' Katiya answered his thoughts.

"You growled out loud Sesshy-chan. Don't do it again you scared the little ones," She then whispered, "But I think Kagome liked it." "KATIYA!" "It's not like that was a private thought was it?" "Yes it was!" "If you say so… Anyway on to our next order of business, Kagome's training."

"I'm getting training?"

"Yes miko, or do you not remember our conversation in the woods?"

Kagome blushed and replied, "I remember."

Katiya smirked again,"What exactly were you two doing in the woods, eh? eh? Giggity giggity" -smack- "Shut up, Katiya!"

Sesshomaru cleared his throught, "Human, you are aiding me in the fight with Naraku and while you have powerful miko powers, they are untapped and dangerous to be used without proper training. I will teach you other fighting techniques as well. All of your lessons will take place in the dojo."

'Wow, Sesshomaru complimented me in his own strange and deranged way when he commented on my miko powers… but wait a second,' "Who's gonna train me with my miko powers?" "I will Kagome-chan!" Katiya announced. "This way, you and I can spend more time together and we can get away from the Fluffster over here."

"Cat, you will refrain from calling me those atrocious child-like names. I thought you were more mature then that." –smirk- 'I won this battle'

"Sorry Flufferson IV, you got the wrong cat demon. I'm just barely more mature than your mom. Yeah. I went there."

Score: Katiya-29 Sesshomaru-2 …wait I'm feeling generous today. Let's give Sesshomaru-2.5

Kagome: --;;; 'They're both so mature…' She thought sarcastically.

Katiya responded with a grin, "Aren't we Kagome-chan?"

"You will have you're first miko lesson now, human." Sesshomaru demanded.

"Katiya," Kagome whispered, "We seriously need to get him some anger management help." "Yeah… Psst Kagome. What's anger management?" –gulp- "I'll explain it once we're away from the very angry looking Tai Youkai, OK?" "I don't know why you would want to wait that-- Angry looking Tai Youkai?" –nod nod- "RUN!"

And so, our heroine and her friend dash off to the dojo, Kagome running surprisingly fast, 'For a human' Sesshomaru thought. He then left the room to do more paper work. Yippee, I can hardly contain my excitement for him.

o0OOO0o

Once the two girls had calmed down, Katiya declared it was time for Kagome's first lesson in miko training, "Kagome, would you like some tea?" "Of course, Katiya-san, that would be wonderful." -smash- "What did you do that for!" Kagome demanded angrily.

-sigh- "Kagome Kagome Kagome. You weren't supposed to dodge the tea cup. You were supposed to catch it.' Katiya spoke as if she were talking to an infant.

"Warn me next time!"

"I would if I could. You see that is all part of today's lesson. You must prepare for the unexpected to occur and meet it with resilience. Understood?"

Kagome sighed heavily and nodded, "Yes." –smash dodge bang boom- "You through 4 tea cups at me that time. I barely dodged the last one!" Katiya smacked her forehead. "You were supposed to be ready. Ready now?" "Yes, _sensei_."

…

…

"Throw something already." "No! Okay if you insist." –catch- "Yay Kagome-chan, you caught it." "Yes I caught the teapot, but why didn't you through anymore cups?"

Katiya swallowed loudly, "Umm… hehe, you see, I broke them all the last time I gave a lesson. Let's just say that not all of the tea cups were dodged."

Ouch.

After seeing Kagome grimace, Katiya gave her some words of comfort and wisdom, (didn't know she had it in her…) "Kagome, your powers are already developing. This goes to show you that if you think you can do something you can. Sesshomaru will be pleased that you are a fast learner." –blush- "You really think so?" "Yeah," Katiya grinned, "And you say you don't like him." "I don't!" "And you blushed why?" "I'm gonna get you now." With that said, Kagome charged.

Katiya dodged and jumped out of the way, speaking quickly, "Well, lesson number one is done tomorrow we'll learn how to meditate. Wow, would you look at the time, I gotta go, good night!" She ran away.

Kagome sizzled, "I'll get you next time, Katiya, just you wait." –insert evil chuckle here-

o0OOO0o

AN: Happy! Good. Okay, an extra long chapter because I got 15 reviews. Woot woot! I'm going to be posting this story called 'Bake Me Away' That's going to be about 7-8 chapters at most. It is InuKag, SanMir, but it's going to be a good story, so please, for my sake, check it out. Don't worry, I already have the first two chapters written and the whole plot thought out, so I won't be using all of my writing time writing that story.

You know how much you wanna press that pretty purple button and review. A lot! So push it, I don't mind.


	6. Conga Baby!

**Once More**

**Brought to you by Sango The Lecher Slayer**

**_Important Author's Note:_** Some people don't like the way I write. That's fine with me. But a whole bunch of people love the randomness and stuff. Don't write a review to complain. If you don't like it, don't read it. I already explained that it's a random story. If you really believe that randomness is only good for parodies then stop reading! I don't know what else to tell you.

Disclaimer: I do not own –sob- Rumiko Taka –sob- Takahashi's manga or anime. This –sob sob- includes –biggest sob ever/wail- Inuyashaaaaaaaaa. Wahh!

Chapter made possible by omertaGAMMA.

Warning: Chapter contains randomness… actually, so does the rest of the story. Carry on.

Vocab:  
Okaa-san – Mother  
Hai – Yes

"…" Words  
'…' Thoughts  
-…- Actions  
'**Bold' **Subconscious Thoughts  
_Italics_ Song

Chapter 6: Conga Baby!

o0OOO0o

After Katiya ran away, I mean left, Kagome decided to go check on the children, who were playing outside in the gardens. Once Kagome was outside, Rin and Shippo bounded up to her, "Mama, look at what Rin made for me!" He proudly displayed the flower garland on his head.

Kagome laughed, "That's beautiful Shippo, Rin must like you a lot."

Shippo blushed as Rin grabbed his hand. "Yes Kagome-chan, Rin does like Shippo," She gave him a peck on the cheek, causing him to look like a tomato with puffy hair, and was pulled away so he could help make Jakken look pretty. A semi-confused Kagome was left thinking, "now why was Rin talking in the third person? A certain someone is being a bad influence..."

o0OOO0o

About half an hour later, Kagome called the children in. "Come on you guys, it's time to get ready for bed." The two sighed, "Fine mama," "Yes, mommy." Kagome, who had been walking away already, swiveled around, "Okaa-san?"

Rin blushed and bowed her head, "Is it not OK with you Kagome-chan? Rin thinks that you are like Rin's mommy because you take care of Rin. Also, aren't you going to become Sesshomaru-sama's mate?"

Kagome shook her head in confusion, "Rin, of course you can call me mommy, but why would I be Sesshomaru's mate?"

Rin giggled at her silliness, "Okaa-san! You sat in the chair of his mate today! Rin thought you were supposed to sit there? Aren't you?"

Kagome shook her head furiously, "No way Rin-chan, your Sesshomaru-sama doesn't like me that way. I'll sit in a different seat next time."

Shippo, being the wise one that he was said, "Mama, you only said Sesshomaru doesn't like you 'that way.' Do you like him 'that way'?" Both of the children cocked their heads in the way that only adorable children can.

Kagome blushed again and said, "When you're older, Shippo."

Shippo whispered conspiratorially to Rin, "That means yes."

"I heard that!" "Heard what Mama?" –giggles ensue-

o0OOO0o

At dawn, Kagome woke up with labored breaths. 'Please tell me I didn't just dream that? Oh. My. God. I'm never going to get that vision out of my head!'

She had to come up with an excuse. Anything to give her a reason for this strange nightmare-ish dream. She sighed and said outloud, "There's gotta be something in the water…"

To calm down, she decided to go take a bath. "The only problem is, where are the baths?"

"This way Kagome-chan!" "Gah! Katiya you have to stop doing that!" –smirk- "Don't worry Kagome, once we fully tap into your miko powers then you'll be able to sense people. Until then, you'll have to deal with it. So, come with me to the bath house."

The two girls walked to the bath house. 'This route seems strangely familiar,' Kagome thought. Once they got inside, Kagome was amazed, "You have an indoor hot springs?" She managed to gasp out. Katiya looked unconcerned until she saw Kagome's expression.

"Kagome are you all right? What's wrong?"

"My-my dream!" She stuttered out, "This was in my dream!"

"What dream Kagome! Tell me tell me tell me!" Katiya started whining.

"Katiya, you're acting like a baby." –pout- "Am not!" --;; "Yeah you are."

"Whatever, so tell me this dream of yours." "Fine. It all started when…"

-Dream Sequence-

Kagome wandered around the castle in the morning, trying to find the bath house. Finally, she stumbled upon it. Opening the door, she came to see no one other that… Sesshomaru. He was getting into the hot springs and 'Damn. He looks amazing!'

In fact he looked so good, Kagome could hear music playing:

_I'm too sexy for my shirt.  
Too sexy for my shirt!  
So sexy it hurts. _

With that he took off his shirt.  
_  
And I'm too sexy for my land.  
Too sexy for my land!  
New York and Japan._

"How does he even know what New York is?" Nonplussed, Sesshomaru kept on dancing.

_I'm a model, you know what I mean?  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk.  
Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk  
yeah I do my little turn on the catwalk!  
_

_I'm a model, you know what I mean?  
And I shake my little tush on the catwalk.  
Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk  
yeah I shake my little tush on the catwalk!_

_**I'm Too Sexy For This Song**_

This little show left Kagome speechless… Well, almost "Wow, he is too sexy!" She promptly blushed and went away, leaving Sesshomaru to his bath. She decided to try and find Katiya.

After searching for a good hour, she finally was smart enough to try the dojo, "Maybe she's there to continue my miko training." With new determination, she left to find Katiya, hoping she would be in the dojo.

At the dojo, she found the most unexpected site ever. Salsa music was playing in the background, and, you guessed it, Sesshomaru was leading a conga. Everyone currently in the western lands was there. Big ass dojo.

Everyone was lined up and in the conga line, "Come on, Kagome," Sesshomaru shouted, "There's plenty of room for you to join!" "Yeah!" Everyone shouted.

Kagome chose this moment to pass out.

-Dream Sequence Over-

"And that's when I woke up. That's also how I came to the conclusion that there **_has_** to be something in the water here. Katiya? Hey! Where did you go?" The only sign that anyone was still there were the bubbles on the surface of the water. "It wasn't that funny," Kagome pouted.

A few minutes later (somehow --;) Katiya rose to the surface. "First of all, it's not the water, it's you." "I resent that comment!" "Second, I believe it's clear what your feelings toward the demon lord are, ne?"

-silence-… "Fine, you win. He's sexy! I'll admit it. But we still need to play a prank on him." "What should we do though?"

The girls thought for a second. Kagome suddenly came up with a plan, "I have this thing from back home. I was planning on using it with Miroku when he flirted with women but it'll work." Kagome whispered the plan in Katiya's ear.

"Oh yeah. This will definitely work."

The two dried off and left the room with evil smiles gracing their faces.

o0OOO0o

At lunch, the two girls couldn't stop giggling and smirking. When Sesshomaru walked into the room however, they became silent. "Wenches, what do you find amusing?"

The bowed politely and recited together, "Nothing your royal fluffiness." And proceeded to high five each other, standing by their seats. After all, you were not allowed, by any means, so sit or eat before the Lord of the Castle. Proper etiquette 101.

'I just hope the concealing spell works,' both girls hoped.

And it did.

The moment the lord sat down, a loud noise emanated from his chair, though most thought it emanated from his behind.

Yes you guessed it, they used a whoopee cushion. This caused the girls to renew their previous bouts of laughter, more hysterically than before, rolling on the floor. Still laughing and wiping the tears from her eyes, Kagome declared, "That was a classic."

The girls attempted to high five but were to uncoordinated because of their laughter. The laughter however, was stopped as a large shadow fell over them.

The demon lord was angry. Very angry.

o0OOO0o

AN: That's it! You'll just have to review next time to see what he does. Believe me, Fluffy-sama was not happy.

I gave you an extra long chapter for making you wait. Are you happy now?

PLEASE check out "Bake Me Away."

Review! Review! Press that purple button. Thanks for reading.


	7. Dealing With Dogs

**Once More**

**Brought to you by Sango The Lecher Slayer**

I apologize for the wait. I previously would have told you guys that it could be longer, but I completely forgot that my father was getting remarried this weekend… Tomorrow. So, I ran away today to quickly write this chapter for you guys and my butt is so gonna be kicked for it later. The things I do for you guys –shakes head and sighs- Extra long chapter though!

By the way, I realized I got 30 reviews for this chapter… 30! I was amazed, needless to say. If I get 25-30 before Thursday, July 28, 2005, I will post another chapter for you guys. If not, I'll have written it early and have my friend post it later. I just won't let her post it until I get that many reviews okay? By the way, I currently have 114 reviews… Besides, at the end, you'll want to review. –evil grin-

Disclaimer: Don't own Inuyasha, never will. I'm always broke it seems…

Warning: Bad language. Those who find bad words when not directed towards themselves offensive, please stop reading… Then again, why would you have read this story in the first place? Oh yeah, a little bit of OOC-ness, easily justifiable if you think about it. Oh, and umm.. well, if you aren't 13 stop reading. If you have a problem with the chapter take it up with me! Hehe.

"…" Words  
'…' Thoughts  
-…- Actions  
'**Bold' **Subconscious Thoughts

Chapter 7: Dealing With Dogs

Last Time:

The girls attempted to high five but were to uncoordinated because of their laughter. The laughter however, was stopped as a large shadow fell over them.

The demon lord was angry. Very angry.

This Time:

Katiya and Kagome stood frozen in fear at the sight of the anger in their lord's eyes. 'I've never gotten him this angry before,' Katiya whispered, "Could it be that he's… **_embarrassed_**? No way!" Katiya was on a roll now and thought conspiratorially, 'Must be because he likes Kagome so much. Who would have thought?'

Katiya was brought out of her musings by two people shouting, two children running away, and two people later glaring at her.

"What did I do! It was all Kagome-chan's idea!" –gasp- "But you came up with the idea of--" "Kagome, there is no need to give Lord Sesshomaru-sama all of the information so he can kill me I mean us, okay?"-glare- Kagome gave up and pouted and crossed her arms, "Fine. Suck up." "What did you just call me?!"

Kagome's demon lord stood waiting for a chance to speak. Seeing none, as the girls were continually bickering, he decided to make an opening for himself, "Silence!" he demanded, "This Sesshomaru believes that this incident shall not go unpunished. However, who shall be punished will be decided once you two have ceased your squabbling and given this Sesshomaru adequate time to reason."

Katiya brightened like a light bulb, although she had no clue what it was, "Well, Lord Fluffiness, it is obvious that Kagome should be punished! I mean she did bring the whoopee cushion."

Kagome looked at her in morbid horror, "Katiya!"

"What! Oh I'm just kidding, I think that none of us should be punished. Sessho, I've know you since we were pups" –growl- "And I think that these harmless pranks should be allowed while there are no noblemen present… Sesshomaru? Hello? Fluff-" She was silenced with a glare.

"Wench, you will tell me what this 'whoopee coosheeonuh' does," –silence- "Wench!"

"Hey Katiya, do you see anyone here named 'Wench?'" "Kagome I think he was referring to--" –glare- "Nope, no one named 'Wench'"

"Miko! It would do you well to answer me this instant." "Katiya, have you heard of anyone named 'Miko,' around here?" "Nope, no one at all." Kagome shook her head sadly, "Poor Sessho-kun, it seems as if none of his old friends are here for him anymore!" –fake sob- Kagome then perked up and said like a hyped up secretary, "I can take a message if you like?"

Katiya was trying to stop laughing. Sesshomaru was seething. "Kagome! You will tell me what this idiocy does."

"Okay Fluffinator, I'll tell you. You know that thing you sat on that makes the weird noise. That's a whoopee cushion. A classic trick from where I come from."

Sesshomaru was on her in an instant, "From where you come from? Tell me Kagome," he purred and lowered his voice as he spoke to her, "Where do you come from?"

If she hadn't been so flustered, Kagome would have gaped, 'So hot, must resist urge to tell him complete truth, don't give in Kagome!' "I come from... Not here! Look there's a flying child who looks like Rin! Gotta go bye!" With that, she sped off quickly to "save" Rin from the evil horror that was Jakken.

At this point, Katiya was on the floor, somewhat stunned, and Sesshomaru was trying to calm his rapidly beating heart rate, although you would never guess that the almighty one was flustered in any way, shape, or form, ever, from his cold exterior. 'What just happened..'

'**Okay, let me break it down for you. You were about to kiss her because her scent was so amazing and you wanted to taste her.' **

'What is this nonsense you speak of. I will kill you for this treachery!'

'**In case you haven't noticed, I am a part of you, the part you can never get rid of.' **

'I remember you now. You were that thing I used to have as a child, before my mother died,'

'**and you shut out all of your emotions…' **

'Precisely. Why are you back now?'

'**Kagome has reopened your emotions, brought them back to life. Don't deny it, for it would only be futile.' **

'You know not of what you speak. Kagome- The wench means nothing to me.'

'**Then why were you going to kiss her?' **

'Because her lips looked so tantalizing. No! I was never going to kiss her.'

'**-sigh- Sure you weren't. That's what they all say.' **

'And how exactly would you know this!'

**'…'**

'Exactly. Now Leave. Me. Alone.'

'**I'll be back.'**

'Grrrr. Stay away.'

'**...' **

'Hello? Good I'm gone. I just had a whole conversation with myself. Again. Kagome must be a witch who has cast some spell on me. Although there is no scent of a spell… I must stop this nonsense immediately.' And so, he left the dining hall and went to his office, leaving a still stunned Katiya on the floor.

Now it must be explained that this conversation took only about 4.352 seconds, therefore, it makes sense that Katiya is still lying on the floor in shock.

However, about 6 minutes later, Katiya woke from her stupor and shouted, "Wait for me, Fluffy! Wait up!" and she dashed off using her demon speed.

o0OOO0o

"Sesshomaru! You idiot, get back here! God damn it I need to speak with you now." The door to Sesshomaru's office was slammed open and an angry cat demon stalked inside.

"Cat, I do not recall allowing you into my office, or in your case, barging in whenever you please." This stopped Katiya for a second, "Where you just trying to make a joke? If you were, that was a sad attempt."

The only thing Katiya received was a glare for her lovely comment.

"However, I did not come in here to insult your lacking talent of telling jokes. I came in here to discuss Kagome-chan with you."

At this statement, the lord actually looked up, "There is nothing to discuss. The human is only here to help me defeat Naraku, nothing more or less."

Katiya growled and grew angry at this statement, "Cut the bull shit, Sesshomaru. Like it or not, I've known you since we were children, although that look in your eyes while you were holding Kagome was new. I know there is another reason for Kagome being here, there must be. Even if there was no other reason when she first came, there must be one now, otherwise you would have slaughtered her back in the dining hall."

"Foolish cat, there is only reason the miko isn't lying dead as we speak is because we agreed that I am not able to cause her harm while she is with me and we search for Naraku. Once he is gone, I can do whatever I please."

"You realize that you wouldn't have been so embarrassed today after our joke if Kagome didn't mean something to you!"

"Katiya, I fear you are sorely mistaken. I held no embarrassment today after your incident in the dining hall." He turned back to his paper work.

To put it simply, Katiya was pissed, "Look you overgrown mongrel. Kagome is my friend and I will not allow any harm to come to her simply because you are too foolish to see you have taken a liking to her." Katiya hissed. After she took a few deep breathes, she said in a more calm voice, "Look Sesshomaru, Kagome is only human, you have to be careful with what you say!"

Katiya had a grin on her face as Sesshomaru grew quiet, and chose this time to flounce towards the door. "Oh, remember Sesshy, you have a lesson with Kagome-chan today."

With an evil grin in her eye, she walked out the door. After think for a moment, she stuck her head back in and said in a taunting way, "I'm sure you'll have fun."

o0OOO0o

About an hour later, Sesshomaru left his office to grace Kagome with his presence in the dojo. It was debatable, but maybe he should have gone sooner.

"What the –bleep- took you so –bleep-ing long you –bleep-ing –bleep-!" It was pretty obvious that any worries she held about previously insulting the demon lord, were gone like the wind. That or she was auditioning for Jerry Springer.

Sesshomaru allowed none of his anger to show in his eyes. His amusement however… "You arrogant prick! This is not a laughable matter, thank you very much."

"You are welcome, miko, although I did not laugh. Tell me, are you hearing things?" Of course he thought that his joke was funny. Today did not seem to be Sesshomaru's day, yet another person was going to disagree with his previous thoughts… if she didn't pass out first.

"Did you just make a **_joke_**?" Kagome was able to gasp out. After taking a few moments to calm down she brushed it off, "Well, that was lame. Anyway, am I going to get trained or not. Part of the deal ya know, and I expect you to keep it."

"Foolish mortal, you have no need to fear, for I intend on keeping my part of the bargain."

"Oh yeah, I was shaking in my boots."

"Boots? Why would you shake in boots? What is this 'boots' you are speaking of?"

Kagome decided to let that go, "Whatever, Sessho-kun, I'll tell you when you're older. Let's get training okay?"

Sesshomaru nodded his head and walked towards the wall 'decorated' with many weapons, "Miko, how long have you used a sword or a katana and who has taught you? I also must know who has taught you hand to hand combat as well."

Kagome blushed and looked down. "I don't know how to use a sword and I have never received training in hand to hand combat. I took a little bit of karate as a child, but I was only a white belt."

If Sesshomaru would have shown any facial expressions, he would have had a put out look on his face and sighed. But, this is Sesshomaru we're talking about so he did neither. "Very well, I must start from the beginning. Tell me human, how do you defend yourself in battle?"

"I can shoot an arrow decently enough."

"We shall see how decently you can shoot an arrow tomorrow. For today, however…"

Dodging a katana that Sesshomaru so lovingly tossed to her, their lessons with swords started lesson started. The rest of their time together was spent with Kagome learning how to properly hold the katana, and a few basic drills.

The surprising thing was the gentleness of Sesshomaru as he taught Kagome. From an outsiders point of view, it would appear that he was doing nothing special. Someone who grew up with him, however, could tell that something about him was off. No matter what happened, Sesshomaru would always place Kagome in the right stance for each drill, extremely gently, as if he would break her, no matter how many times it took.

This did not mean that Kagome was a slow learner, because she learned incredibly quickly, almost too quickly. This caused Sesshomaru to wonder as his eyes roved over her lithe form, 'How does she learn so quickly? When I was a pup, I was one of the few who could master the drills at this pace. Have I underestimated my little miko?' His slip of the tongue went unnoticed as a tap on the shoulder brought him out of his thoughts, "What is it Sessho, see something you like?" Kagome smirked.

This comment caused him to realize that he had been staring at her as he was thinking. In a second, Kagome was pinned against the wall, an arm around her waist and breathing on her neck, "Maybe I do, Ka-go-me" He pronounced each syllable, and the sound of her name just seemed to roll off of his tongue.

Kagome closed her eyes as she breathed in, trying to calm herself. When she opened her eyes, she immediately saw amber eyes before her. "Sesshomaru," She whispered, as their lips almost touched in their approximation.

* * *

Want Chapter 8?


	8. You Can't Be Serious

**Once More**

**Brought to you by Sango The Lecher Slayer**

I AM SOOOOO SORRY! I was at camp, and then my computer had no internet, and then I got sick, and then my family left me for Israel! I'm so sorry.

Wow, 61 reviews. You people are too good to me –sobs- I hope you like the chapter –winkwink nudgenudge-

"…" Words

'…' Thoughts

-…- Actions

'**Bold' **Subconscious Thoughts

Chapter 8: You Can't Be Serious

Last Time:

"What is it Sessho, see something you like?" Kagome smirked.

This comment caused him to realize that he had been staring at her as he was thinking. In a second, Kagome was pinned against the wall, an arm around her waist and breathing on her neck, "Maybe I do, Ka-go-me" He pronounced each syllable, and the sound of her name just seemed to roll off of his tongue.

Kagome closed her eyes as she breathed in, trying to calm herself. When she opened her eyes, she immediately saw amber eyes before her. "Sesshomaru," She whispered, as their lips almost touched in their approximation.

Now:

As their lips neared, the sound of feet pounding could be heard in the hall. "My lord!" A disgusting green creature, I mean Jakken, shouted. Sesshomaru miraculously was no where near Kagome, who was still pressed against the wall which was supporting her very weak knees.

'You can't be serious,' She thought, 'My God, he ruins everything.' She groaned and rolled her eyes, her head leaning against the wall.

"My Lord, it's the children!" Kagome's head shot up at this, "What's wrong with them?" she demanded.

The green thing looked put off, "What's wrong with them! What's wrong with them! The stupid little creatures won't leave me alone. I get no peace now!" It's was this opportune moment that Kagome noticed the make-up, dress, and flower crowns that adorned Jakken.

"Hey Jakken!" Kagome called, "You look pretty good in pink."

"Silence you insolent wench! My Lo-"

Jakken was abruptly cut off by some mysterious source, also known as, His Royal Fluffiness, Sesshomaru-sama. "You will _not_ by any means, call this miko a wench." Jakken, who was turning an odd shade of purple, nodded his head furiously, and was dropped to the ground. "Hai, milord."

Sesshomaru turned to Kagome smirking, "Only I can call her wench." –insert steaming angry Kagome here- "Do you have a problem with that, **_wench_**."

…

Can we say, duh?

Jakken, also being the idiot creature he was, chose this opportune moment to comment on his view of humans, namely Rin, not bothering to notice the little "staring contest" going on between his lord and Kagome, "Blah blah blah, smells, houses, blah blah." This was the part that stuck out, "My Lord, I personally think that humans have no sense in hygiene either, and are inferior when it comes to breeding." –insert ticked off Kagome and Sesshomaru here-

"You wanna say that again toad?" Kagome ground out. "I am an imp, impudent human."

Ladies and gentlemen, we now have a Jakken pancake.

"My Lord, spare me! I have news!" Was the creature's pitiful plea.

"Speak, do not test my patience." Sesshomaru demanded.

"Lunch is being served," the dimwitted servant-thing replied.

"That is not a good enough excuse for interruption –insert shocked Kagome here- from a lesson." –insert recently deflated Kagome here- "We will attend lunch soon, leave."

Jakken was promptly drop-kicked out of the dojo.

Most think of Sesshomaru as being unperceptive of female emotions. However, he was able to notice one sulking female by the wall in the dojo. Hiding a smirk, he smoothly glided towards her.

The unsuspecting Kagome was thinking… or pouting/sulking, call it what you will. 'You cannot be serious. He interrupted us, to complain and tell us about lunch. He was about to kiss me for goodness sake… My first kiss too. Hahaha, OK that's not true, but if it were, then that would have been epic! Damn Hisoka in front of the wishing well in middle school. That just sucked.' While the blush was slowly leaving her face, she notice a demon lord looking down at her. What he did next did not help her blush in any way, shape, or form at all.

"Kagome," he purred, being down his head into her neck. "Don't worry. You see," he said as he nuzzled her, "This is far from over." With that parting comment, he slowly leaned in to kiss her neck, paused, then exited the dojo.

This was the Kagome left behind: O.O

Needless to say, she arrived to lunch a little bit late.

o0OOO0o

'You can't be serious,' he thought miserably, 'It never stops. Never. What have I done to deserve this?'

All in all, it truly was horrible. Inuyasha was in the worst mood ever thought to be humanly or demonly possible, and the Kikyotch kept showing up! Sango was sick with a cold that she got infected with when they were fighting a demon along the way and her immune system wasn't properly working, and Kirara had broken a tooth, and wow, those were big teeth.

Needless to say, Miroku was on the verge of a mental/stress-related breakdown, "What have I done to deserve this, Kami-sama?" He repeated, this time out loud.

After Sango finished her latest coughing fit, she declared wisely, "We're not even going into that right now, Houshi." The couple was startled out of their latest "conversation" by a certain hanyou jumping down from his perch in front of them.

"Quit flirting," he growled out, "We don't have time for this. We need to get Kagome back from my asshole of a brother now damn it!" He would have continued, but was stopped mid-rant by a smell that had Kirara growling. 'Kikyo was here,' he thought excitedly. After sniffing for her trail and finding that it suddenly disappeared he mumbled quietly, "But where could she have gone?"

Sango and Miroku were very confused, "I only smell ashes," Miroku declared (Sango would have smelled them too but she has a stuffy nose.) "Who are you talking about?"

Inuyasha paused his hunt to respond (gasp!), "Kikyo was here," he repeated, "But her scent suddenly stops right here."

Sango and Miroku looked at each other and started quietly conversing, "It makes sense Houshi-sama. The smell of dirt and why she was right here."

"I know what you mean," Miroku responded, his face grave. "Something is going on, and I don't like it."

o0OOO0o

In an ominous place in Japan, our villain rests and lounges on a futon, swirls of poisonous miasma floating through the air, filled with toxins that could work fast enough to kill a mere human in a matter of seconds, not so painlessly. Who said Naraku was a nice guy?

Thankfully, Kikyo wasn't human, and the miasma didn't affect her clay pot of a body. Or, not so thankfully, as the two were plotting the demise of our favorite people.

"Kikyo," Naraku called, "Come to me my mate." Kikyo was obedient and obeyed her master, walking towards him. When Naraku growled, she sped up her pace and stood beside the bed, waiting for his signal to move.

"Now my Kikyo, do you understand every phase of the plan? It is up to you to make sure Inuyasha never chooses Kagome, even when she is on the verge of death. This will break her spirit, making her mind easy to bend. She will die within that fateful day Inuyasha betrays her. Leave the rest to me, my pet."

After Kikyo nodded with a smile equally sinister to the one Naraku wore, she was given the signal to move… into his bed.

As Kagura listened from the doorway, her disgust was barely concealed on her face. Her more prominent expression, however, was anger. 'Naraku, you won't get away with this. This girl is my only hope to be free. Disgusting bastard, you make me sick. The stupid plan will never work' Kagura smiled, not a nice happy smile though. 'I'll make sure it won't.' "Just you wait Naraku," She whispered, "Your time is coming, and it's coming much sooner than you think.

* * *

Okay, I am up way later than I should be, because school starts tomorrow. I do, however, have most of the story planned out now, so I can't claim to get writers block! Yay you guys!

Sorry it took so long, Mmkays, I currently have… uhhhh, 189 reviews. I want 40-45 more. Is that good with you guys? The sooner I get them, the sooner the next chapter goes up. This summer camp think was a total fluke, I only came back like 2 days ago and had no access to a computer.

Thanks, Sango The Lecher Slayer


	9. The AntiClimactic Shocker

**Once More**

**Brought to you by Sango The Lecher Slayer**

Okay ya'll, I know you might be a little annoyed that I haven't updated, especially without giving you any closure.

But here ya go now!!

Thanks for supporting me sooo much during this (insanely long) journey. I hope you love this last chapter and find it HILARIOUS.

"…" Words

'…' Thoughts

-…- Actions

'**Bold' **Subconscious Thoughts

Chapter 9: The Anti-Climactic Shocker

Last Time:

"Kikyo, do you understand every phase of the plan? It is up to you to make sure Inuyasha never chooses Kagome, even when she is on the verge of death. This will break her spirit, making her mind easy to bend. She will die within that fateful day Inuyasha betrays her. Leave the rest to me, my pet."

After Kikyo nodded with a smile equally sinister to the one Naraku wore, she was given the signal to move… into his bed.

As Kagura listened from the doorway, her disgust was barely concealed on her face. Her more prominent expression, however, was anger. 'Naraku, you won't get away with this. This girl is my only hope to be free. Disgusting bastard, you make me sick. The stupid plan will never work' Kagura smiled, not a nice happy smile though. 'I'll make sure it won't.' "Just you wait Naraku," She whispered, "Your time is coming, and it's coming much sooner than you think."

Now:

We move forward 3 months.

"Fluffster!! Come here, puppy!" Kagome shouted.

Needless to say, a certain very tall someone, who was pretty content before, was _un_happy.

"You called, wench."

And now there are two unhappy people…

Kagome sniffed. "Yes, I did your Royal Pain…ful…ness." 'Hot damn, I need to work on my nicknames.' ANYWAYS "I've been sensing that something is going to happen."

Dun Dun Dun!!

"Who played my theme music?" Katiya asked. "Wait a minute! Why do _I_ have the ominous music? I'm not on the dark side?"

Sesshomaru whistled and gazed at the ceiling. "Lovely day we're having."

And now there are _three_ ticked off people…

"Okay, I'll let it slide this time. I have to let you know that I just found out - "

"Come on, don't argue!" Kagome shouted. Obviously she hadn't really been paying attention to the question. "I feel like something just might happen today!"

Katiya tried to interrupt. "Hello! I can sense - "

"Silence. Listen to Kagome. Continue."

"You how know I can now sense imminent danger because of our training? Well, I have this little feeling that something could happen soon." Kagome continued.

Katiya, meanwhile, was bouncing up and down, waving her hands impatiently. She screamed, "Excuse me! I have important - "

"Kagome, I don't know what you are talking abo – Wait, why do I smell Naraku?" Asked Sesshomaru.

"And I now sense Inuyasha!" Said Kagome!!!

"If you had just listened to me five minutes ago…" Katiya muttered. "Instead of staring lovingly into each others eyes… Stupid love birds."

"There was no staring involved!" Kagome screeched.

"Your right, my bad. You were gazing." Katiya conceded.

Sesshomaru agreed, "Yes, much better. Staring is such a harsh word."

Kagome started to protest, but just decided to give up. 'Why do these things happen to me?'

o0OOO0o

On the other side of the moat…

Naraku and his children (thingies) stood facing Inuyasha, Sango, Miroku, Kirara, and the Kikyotch – my bad, I mean, Kikyo. They were both waiting for the guard to let down the door to the moat in front of Sesshomaru's castle.

One might ask why they didn't swim across. The reply would be, "Have you ever heard anyone tell a story about swimming with 40,000 pound piranhas?"

Didn't think so.

It was obvious that Miroku was still stressed out; you could tell by his abundant acne and his hair – once his secret pride and joy – was greasy and unkempt. But you could tell that Sango felt some strain as well; her clothing was ripped and she kept on giggling… even though nothing was funny…

The only person who was oblivious was Inuyasha. Seems he didn't care too much about his companions, did he?

"Naraku!" Inuyasha shouted. "What the hell are you doing here?" He started muttering, "Damn it, I knew I should have prepared for today. All those secret rendezvous with Kikyo took up so much time that I had no time to prepare or anything." He sniffed. 'Or to bathe…'

Gross.

"Inuyasha, now is the time that you will all meet your doom! I will unleash my secret plan of attack… now!" Naraku giggled evilly. Yeah, it wasn't even a manly-ish chuckle. It was downright girly.

Kikyo took four steps to Naraku's side.

"!" Screamed Inuyasha, and he dramatically swooned. Unfortunately for him – or actually, pretty fortunately – he fell into the moat. On his way down he happened to trip Kikyo.

So now we understand why Kikyo was so graceful; as soon as she fell to the ground, she shattered into more pieces than the Shikon Jewel.

"Crap."

Realizing that his plan was now foiled – the plan being, turn Inuyasha to the dark side and have him kill everyone because Naraku had no more power (he had given it to Kikyo, but Kikyo hadn't returned it yet), Naraku promptly broke down.

"Why do bad things always happen to me?!?!" He sobbed. "Always, _always, __**always**_!!! No matter what I do, it's never good enough. Can I ever win? Why does the world hate me?"

Because you're evil. Le duh.

Sango and Miroku shared a look, and with the help of the children, tossed Naraku into the moat.

Piranhas! It's your lucky day.

At that point, the guard looked back, "Okay, gate clearance for party of ten – Wait, where did 3 of them go? Oh god, tell me they did go for a swim in the moat! My shift supervisor is going to _kill_ me! Their, like, the 20-eith person this week. Maybe I should have stuck to farming…"

"Uh, no, not at all… they're fine, they just had, uh, other things to do." Sango said.

"Yeah," Miroku confirmed, "Other stuff."

Everyone in the group nodded emphatically. "Oh yeah!" "Sure!" "You bet!!"

"Phew. What a load of my chest." The guard smiled. "Come on in! Lunch is being served."

o0OOO0o

Inside the palace at the lunch table, Kagome suddenly said, "That ominous feeling is gone!"

Sesshomaru gazed at her lovingly with pride, "My my, your senses pick things up so quickly."

Katiya had given up by this point, and grumbled, "Did I not just say that five minutes ago?"

She was completely ignored.

"Eh Fluffster! Now that the imminent threat is gone, are you gonna ask Kagome to be your mate?" Katiya asked with a grin.

Kagome blushed, "Why would he ask me that?"

"Will you be my mate?" "Yes!"

"Someone is eager…" Katiya drawled.

Kagome blushed and then turned the tables, "Someone sounds jealous. You know, I can set you up with someone…"

Katiya scoffed, "Please, there's no need. I'm already courting someone, don't you remember. We talked about Hawk for hours… I knew it! You were just tuning me out and thinking about Sesshomaru!"

The rest of the crew walked in, unnoticed, until Sango said, "Please, she used to do the exact same thing with me. Get used to it."

"Oh My GOD!!"

Much hugging commence, and their stories were told, with Katiya laughing her ass off at how the EVIL Naraku had died. "Seriously, that's it? After years and years of battling, that's so… anticlimactic."

The group shrugged. "Hey," Kagome said, "At least no one was hurt."

Everyone smiled.

* * *

Thanks everyone, for a great run!!

I need your reviews if you want some more (because there might be an epilogue in the future…)

Sango TLS


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